“You keep telling me about moderation. That a little is enough. But sometimes for some of us, a little is not enough. Because, when it comes to something like wild walks or vulnerability or truth or heart – racing conversation or ecstatic contemplation or mind bending intimacy or all that catapults us into the flow, form and timelessness of our own aliveness, I am telling you that we deserve more than moderation.”
Victoria Erickson
A 75 year study at Harvard concluded that good relationships are what truly keep us happy and healthy. Not money, career success, possessions, good health, travel…. but deep friendship and love.
Just a reminder today to embrace and celebrate the loves in your life.
Patrick Carnes, MD
Anthony de Mello
One of the best short reads I came across was this blog post here. It is a reminder, and a call to action. If you are doing something that doesnt make you say ‘HELL YES’ about doing, then to not do it–or try to find another path that is closer to that joy. Life is too short to be lukewarm about the things we do.
We are taught of the virtue of Independence at a young age.
This isn’t inherently a bad lesson. However, it is often taken too far. Rather than developing positive self-security in our relationships with others, we grow indignant distance and an unconscious, almost inherent, refusal to connection.
We grow afraid to ask for help or to develop any sort of dependency on others. ‘I can do it for myself’ or ‘I don’t need any help’ have become common phrases in most vocabularys today. In fact, our abilities to work independently without assistance is often applauded and rewarded in corporate systems.
But In this process, we also grow afraid of showing weakness, we build up a fear of rejection, we grow paranoid of others. Before we know it, all of these elements of insecurity bloom in our extreme striving for independence.
So what I am writing to remind myself of today is that: Independence is a virtue, but not at the expense of your ability to connect.
Take time every now and then to evaluate your decisions and priorities. Are you avoiding making deeper connections or establishing meaningful relationships because they might require you to negotiate the terms of your independence (not staying out as late, scheduling around someone elses schedule, moving to another location..)? Question this, question your perceived ‘needs’ for space, place, and things.
Beautiful places and things can be easily acquired.
Fulfilling careers and communities can be created with a little skill.
But quality people are the sustenance of life, and require continued cultivation in order to reap their gifts. When you find worthy people, cherish and nurture those relationships. Lean into them. Do not demand absolute independence, but rather invite those important to you to serve as pillars and partners in your life. Give and let yourself be given to.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Read more about Happiness here.
