We are taught of the virtue of Independence at a young age.
This isn’t inherently a bad lesson. However, it is often taken too far. Rather than developing positive self-security in our relationships with others, we grow indignant distance and an unconscious, almost inherent, refusal to connection.
We grow afraid to ask for help or to develop any sort of dependency on others. ‘I can do it for myself’ or ‘I don’t need any help’ have become common phrases in most vocabularys today. In fact, our abilities to work independently without assistance is often applauded and rewarded in corporate systems.
But In this process, we also grow afraid of showing weakness, we build up a fear of rejection, we grow paranoid of others. Before we know it, all of these elements of insecurity bloom in our extreme striving for independence.
Daily Reminder:
So what I am writing to remind myself of today is that: Independence is a virtue, but not at the expense of your ability to connect.
Take time every now and then to evaluate your decisions and priorities. Are you avoiding making deeper connections or establishing meaningful relationships because they might require you to negotiate the terms of your independence (not staying out as late, scheduling around someone elses schedule, moving to another location..)? Question this, question your perceived ‘needs’ for space, place, and things.
REMEMBER:
Beautiful places and things can be easily acquired.
Fulfilling careers and communities can be created with a little skill.
But quality people are the sustenance of life, and require continued cultivation in order to reap their gifts. When you find worthy people, cherish and nurture those relationships. Lean into them. Do not demand absolute independence, but rather invite those important to you to serve as pillars and partners in your life. Give and let yourself be given to.