Tag: fear

“If you have the good luck to have found something or someone that resonates with you, that amplifies your happiness–risk it. Life is too short and happiness too rare.”

Over the last two weeks, themes of happiness, love, risk, and readiness have appeared in almost all of my personal conversations with people in my life. Whether we are talking about making career changes, starting up new businesses, moving into new homes, or investing (or divesting) in personal relationships–the most common thread is *fear of not being ready or not being enough*.

🤔From these conversations, I took a little time to reflect on why.

When we experience fear or when risk taking is required of us, we often look for palatable excuses to disengage, delay, pass up, and say no, not now, not yet.

❓Do you ever catch yourself doing this?❓
👉Convincing yourself that the timing is off, or that you aren’t ready or that you aren’t good enough:
– strong enough
– smart enough
– pretty enough.
– experienced enough
– independent enough
👉Convincing yourself that you are not far enough along in your healing, learning, or growing? 
👉Convincing yourself that you would only do harm, feel pain, or fall short/fail?

🤷‍♀️Well, very few things happen at the ‘right time’, and much does not happen at all. It’s also impossible to be 100% ready for anything in life (probably not even 75%), for nothing is truly predictable, certain, or defined. I promise there will *always* be more you can learn, do, grow, fix.

So, its probably healthier to present in the now. To embrace opportunities — jobs, projects, people — when and as they appear in life. More so, if they have the chance of contributing to our happiness in a meaningful way… being vulnerable enough to take a risk and make a change.

For the truth is: You are ready, and enough, as you are today.
‘Success’ only needs a few things:
🔹The capacity for clean communication
🔹The ability to be vulnerable and ask for help
🔹The willingness to positively and creatively problem solve. 
🔹The trust in yourself and in your ability to learn the things you need, to grow and to love.
…and of course the ability to see success as achieving happiness, rather than the achievement of money, marriage, status, possessions, and so forth.

I know I don’t need to say it but… no matter how prepared you are… mistakes will happen: you will stumble, fall, experience failure, cause pain. This is inevitable. But you have to risk that to open yourself up to all the positive outcomes as well. (Brene Brown once wrote “You can not selectively numb your emotions, when we numb painful emotions, we also numb good ones”–the same goes for experiences, you might be avoiding the risk of a painful experience, but that means you also avoid the potential payout of a positive one)

➖➖➖➖➖➖

Seriously, as I reflect more on this, I really think the best thing I did for myself was to stop waiting for the right place, the right time, the right partner, and to start trusting myself, my vision, and my capacity to listen, learn, and love.

🙅‍♀️👎I didn’t feel ready when I took my job at Parks, or started up the Movement Creative, or launched any of my major projects and events. I actually felt under-qualified, inexperienced, and unskilled. An impostor.

🙅‍♀️👎I didn’t feel ready when I entered the biggest romantic relationship of my life nor when I started dating after it ended. I actually felt unlovable, unworthy. I felt far from ‘healed’, and that I had a laundry list of things I had to ‘fix’ or improve about myself before I was ready, good, worthy, able to be a partner to another.

🙅‍♀️👎I didn’t feel ready when I moved across country, left my family behind, and changed life path–I felt afraid, full of self-doubt and uncertainty. I worried I was unprepared and that I would let people down.

I also often felt uncertain of who I was, where I was going, what I wanted. I held deep limiting stories about myself as well as expectations of what I ‘needed’ to be (ie more educated, more experienced, more whole, more healed, more happy, more etc. etc.)

Yet when I stepped back, I was able to see that each opportunity (or person) resonated with me deeply. There was huge potential for creating positive impact, for crafting deep love and personal connection, for engaging in exciting travel and learning. And wow, it was right here, now, presenting itself to me. Sure I might not feel ready but who knows when I’d get another chance? Or if by saying no, I’d close off that opportunity forever? Or if inaction would actually be the thing to cause me pain? I couldn’t know. And I have had enough life pass me to know that experiences and people that resonate deeply with you don’t come by too often…

So I took some big risks.

And while I certainly failed at times–and still do, and have been hurt, and have hurt in turn… I had so many successes. I launched incredible programs and projects, I met and loved some amazing humans and in turn loved myself more, and I have created a life where I am the happiest I have ever been. Not to mention I have also discovered that I am far more capable than I ever believed.

Plus I learned that almost 
🔹no decision made is irrevocable, 
🔹no relationship marred is irreparable, 
🔹no failure to big to crawl back from, 
🔹no pain that cannot be endured and evolved from.

And finally: Big risk has the potential for big reward–and big fear usually indicates potential for big happiness, growth, and connection (not to mention fear being an indicator of things you actually need to explore–rather than run from)

WRAP UP
🔆I think the ultimate lesson I’m trying to draw up is that we all need the permission to be both imperfect and to believe that we are enough. We need the courage to be vulnerable so that we can take risks on the people and things that resonate with us and our happiness.🔆