It is easy to be unhappy.
It is easy to focus on the day to day distractions while avoiding the bigger, underlying issues. It is easy to deflect and blame others, to make excuses for yourself or a situation. It is easy to take the low road, to give that person ‘just one more’ chance, to ‘wait and see’ how things play out, to sit in the safety of inaction.
But happiness requires action. It requires rolling up your sleeves, pulling on your boots, and hiking up the mountain you’ve been avoiding–and sometimes all night, through sleet, snow, and storm. It requires thinking and work, a little risk, and, sometimes, pain.
…And it is more effort than most of us are willing to make, more risk than we are willing to face. We would rather sit in the unhappiness, endure an unfulfilling job, live in a place we hate, stay in a relationship that is toxic, than risk being more unhappy than we already are. We are afraid to make that risk. But without taking that risk, we also have no chance at happiness.
Worse, the danger with tolerating unhappiness in your life is that unhappiness has an intrinsically infectious quality. It can start in one corner of your life and slowly seep into the rest if left unaddressed. While we can often contain our unhappiness for a time, manage it, ignore it, live with it and convince ourselves to be content, this fix is only temporary. Soon enough it will grow to be present in so many aspects of our life that we simply won’t be able to ignore it, and pain becomes a certainty.
So, before it gets to that point, ask yourself today:
- What’s stopping you from being happy? Why?
- What big problem or toxic person are you avoiding dealing with?
If you can’t quite figure it out the root of it all, or if you feel like you have a lot of things going on, try making a list. Don’t over think it the process. Set aside 5 minutes and write everything that comes to your mind that makes you unhappy. From there, choose the three things that give you the most stress, anxiety, or fear.
Once you’ve narrowed it down, then ask:
- What can I do today, in the present, to start addressing this?
Even if it is as small as acknowledging the problem out loud. Take steps today to identify the roots of your unhappiness and a map leading up and away from it. Then, tomorrow, take the first step.
I’ll tell you right now, yes, it might not work out, You might get lost along the way, or hurt. You might end up somewhere completely unexpected or unhappy in a different way. But, without any action, there is also no hope for happiness.
As Aristotle wrote, Happiness depends upon ourselves.
-Caitlin Pontrella