Always Ill, Never Dies

So many of us daily subject ourselves to numerous emotional, physical, and mental toxins: A job we feel secure in but provides us no challenge, a relationship we’ve cultivated over years that no longer provides sustenance in return, a substance used recreationally that we’ve allowed ourselves to become dependent upon.  We avoid physical activity because we are lazy, we eat junk because it is convenient, we watch tv because we don’t want to think. We find new and creative ways to distract ourselves and ignore our true needs.

Even when we can see and feel the harm being done, we continue to indulge ourselves in these things that make our souls sick.  Why?

For many, it is hopeless human optimism mixed with fear of change and laziness that keeps one firmly in place.  

First, often, the things making us sick do not start at out as toxins. In fact, they may have been critical to our journeys of self. But just as a child outgrows his clothes, we too often outgrow parts of our life (or they outgrow us). This is completely natural. It is only when we insist upon keeping those clothes that we find ourselves increasingly uncomfortable–optimistic we could squeeze another year or two out of them when in fact all we are doing is suffocating ourselves. We keep thinking it can’t be ‘that, bad.

Second, these things that make our souls sick are usually deeply embedded in our conditioned understanding of how life should be–and present for a long time. We’ve grown dependent, reliant, afraid.  We fear attempting to change developed patterns and lifestyles because there is no certainty in what comes next. We hate uncertainty.

And finally, its easier to not. It is easier to ignore than to confront, excuse than address, sleep than to wake. We seek out the path of least resistance.

And by ignoring these things that make us sick, we are bombarded with their symptoms: emotional distress or numbness, depression, anxiety, unease. We complain, we seek out temporary escape, we make excuses.  But the longer we indulge in these poisons, the hard it is to break free.  We become addicted to our chosen illness, for it is all we know.

It doesn’t help either that, in trying to change, we often face the potential for great hurt–either ourselves or others in our lives.  At some point, all illnesses can advance far enough to affect those around us.  They join us in our sickness, find themselves sick too. If not for our sake, for theirs, we must face and break free from the things that make our soul sick.

Daily Reminder

Line 5 from Hex 16 of the I-Ching, when paired in change, can be interpreted as “Always Ill, But Never Dies”. I read this and am reminded today to examine where in my life am I allowing poison to seep in? What in my life have I outgrown?

Do not be afraid to let go the things you’ve outgrown.  Yes, there may be fear and pain, but in passing through that fear and accepting the pain that comes with growth, we free ourselves to pursue our fuller potential.

Onwards!

M: On Conditioning and the Path to Authenticity

Before I can even beginning to delve into authenticity in some sort of deeper way I first need to address my obsession with the word authenticity.

There’s something about the word authenticity that really resonates with me. I think it is because it represents this idea of honest self? Or perhaps that it represents true originality despite living in a world that lacks originality or where no one is themselves original? Or that allows me to be original while using unoriginal material. More and more this word makes it into my vocabulary when I speak about self and a movement and my experience of life. I truly deeply creative authenticity.

I feel like it is only been in the last year or so that I have begun to understand really what it means to live authentically. Only in the last year or so have I started to establish parts of myself and delineate ideas and values that truly feel authentically mine. Many of my experiences this past year forced me to deeply question and reconsider some of my most fundamental beliefs of My reality. This process resulted in the dismantling of my ideas and then a reconstruction of something entirely new from the old.

And I think that this process of dismantling, examination, and reconstruction is the path towards an authentic self.  We are all composed of beliefs that we’ve shouldered unconsciousness,  as a process of being apart of a certain culture, family, friend group, etc.  As we grew up, we identified with different groups and subsequently assumed their values and lifestyles.  As we explored our own creativity, we copied those we admired.  We unconsciously assumed the components that made up who we are.

This leads to a sense of feeling fake, empty, discontent, etc.  It is because we don’t truly feel a strong attachment to any of our ideas or beliefs.  Because they were given to us (versus created by us), they can also be taken away.  They never fully take root.

Creating an authentic self requires discovering which beliefs we have assumed unconsciously, dismantling them in order to examine them honestly and apart from them, and the reconstructing new systems of knowing and thinking for ourselves.

Carl Sagan: There are no stupid questions

“There is no such thing as a stupid question. Many people say that, but it really is true. Every question, no matter how ill-formed or ignorant of knowledge, is a request for knowledge, a request for information. It is an effort to understand better. Every time someone asks an honest question, it is an interrogation of nature, an attempt to unlock the secrets of the universe.”

Carl Sagan