Henri J.M. Nouwen
On Having Difficult Conversations→
When facing a difficult conversation, (with partners, friends, family, etc) I learned to ask three questions:
Is what I have to say kind?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
The first two build empathy and emotional awareness, but it’s the last question thats the most illuminating of the three–for the answer reflects how much you value the continuation and growth of that relationship.
How is your heart today?
I recently came across this blog post “The Disease of Being Busy.” There is so much to consume in this post, so I recommend just taking the five minutes and giving a read.
I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.
Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.
Put your hand on my arm, look me in the eye, and connect with me for one second. Tell me something about your heart, and awaken my heart. Help me remember that I too am a full and complete human being, a human being who also craves a human touch.
And she goes on, asking some piercing questions…
Whatever happened to a world in which kids get muddy, get dirty, get messy, and heavens, get bored? Do we have to love our children so much that we overschedule them, making them stressed and busy — just like us?
What happened to a world in which we can sit with the people we love so much and have slow conversations about the state of our heart and soul, conversations that slowly unfold, conversations with pregnant pauses and silences that we are in no rush to fill?
How did we create a world in which we have more and more and more to do with less time for leisure, less time for reflection, less time for community, less time to just… be?”
“To talk about oneself a great deal can also be a means of concealing oneself.” – Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – Tolkien
Waking Life: On Awareness, Connection, and Going Through The Motions
“Excuse me.
Could we do that again? I know we haven’t met, but I don’t want to be an ant, you know? I mean, it’s like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant auto-pilot with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient polite manner. “Here’s your change.” “Paper or plastic?” “Credit or debit?” “You want ketchup with that?” I don’t want a straw, I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to be an ant, you know?”
“Smart people talk about ideas. Common people talk about things. Mediocre people talk about people.”
Jules Romains