Snippets from the Notebook

On Play

Play is not just an act of joy and pleasure but and exploration of our darker feelings; a space to also move to pain and sadness.

Play can let you experience your feelings and free you from living your feelings.

Questions Needing Answers

  • What does the normalization of parkour create/why is it important?
  • What can we do as individual practitioners to further the normalization of play in public space?
  • How do spaces / places / communities permit or restrict individual movement?
  • How do these permission/restrictions change based on identity, location.
  • How can spaces be redesigned to be more permissive? How can laws or societal patterns be shifted to be more permissive?
  • What can the emergence & practice of parkour or these types of interactive urban space activities (like parcon?) reveal about the deficiencies of our cities/spaces?

Whats the body in regards to mobility?
Something you own, that needs to be improved, maintained, fixed. Emotions, history as we relate to the spaces we live in. We interact with those spaces different due to those emotions/history? Our bodies are not neutral; processing truama/emotions through movement.

When we turn our bodies into property, we empty them of movement.

When we practice parkour, we dont just ineract with the architecture but the history there. We’re going to have different relationships to the place and we’re going to be moving with the architecture differently. How is there mobility for moving emotion, trauma, history? Whos history is illuminated through design?

We are always projecting things onto our architecture.

On Authenticity

Staging Conversations: I can test out versions of myself and pick the one that is most authentic and with greatest integrity

On Relationship Building

How can we move from the transactional to the transformative? I want reject consumerism and experience communion with my fellow humans; to move from the indifferent to the interactive.

Vulnerability, Reciprocity, and Being Able to Fully Express our Love→

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare” – Brene Brown

A good read and reminder: Time is too precious to be investing in relationships and endeavours that are not contributing to our growth, where we can not be our authentic selves, where we have to ‘hold back’, where we find ourselves waiting for permission, reciprocity, support, affection, or respect.

Who are the people in your life that you are most vulnerable with, and in what spaces? Are you giving your time, energy, and affection in the people and things that truly love and lift you?

I read this as a reminder to invest in the people that are ready to celebrate and embrace you wholehearted, who keep you accountable, who commit to your growth, to choose places where you can be vulnerable and honest, experiences where you can be fully expressed… For we all deserve to experience being seen, accepted, and loved, deeply.

M: On Conditioning and the Path to Authenticity

Before I can even beginning to delve into authenticity in some sort of deeper way I first need to address my obsession with the word authenticity.

There’s something about the word authenticity that really resonates with me. I think it is because it represents this idea of honest self? Or perhaps that it represents true originality despite living in a world that lacks originality or where no one is themselves original? Or that allows me to be original while using unoriginal material. More and more this word makes it into my vocabulary when I speak about self and a movement and my experience of life. I truly deeply creative authenticity.

I feel like it is only been in the last year or so that I have begun to understand really what it means to live authentically. Only in the last year or so have I started to establish parts of myself and delineate ideas and values that truly feel authentically mine. Many of my experiences this past year forced me to deeply question and reconsider some of my most fundamental beliefs of My reality. This process resulted in the dismantling of my ideas and then a reconstruction of something entirely new from the old.

And I think that this process of dismantling, examination, and reconstruction is the path towards an authentic self.  We are all composed of beliefs that we’ve shouldered unconsciousness,  as a process of being apart of a certain culture, family, friend group, etc.  As we grew up, we identified with different groups and subsequently assumed their values and lifestyles.  As we explored our own creativity, we copied those we admired.  We unconsciously assumed the components that made up who we are.

This leads to a sense of feeling fake, empty, discontent, etc.  It is because we don’t truly feel a strong attachment to any of our ideas or beliefs.  Because they were given to us (versus created by us), they can also be taken away.  They never fully take root.

Creating an authentic self requires discovering which beliefs we have assumed unconsciously, dismantling them in order to examine them honestly and apart from them, and the reconstructing new systems of knowing and thinking for ourselves.

M: On the Self x2

What is the ‘self’? Characteristics, features, qualities. How do we find or lose it? How do we measure its authenticity in a world of unoriginality? Do we even need it? When and why? (functioning in society, for enlightenment, etc). IF we have it and discard it, what remains?

Response:

In my previous messy post, I discussed self as a sum of our values & needs. Values are a reflection of our beliefs and assumptions of the world and our selves. Needs are things we’ve identified as paths to happiness (sometimes accurate, othertimes not).  To retain a healthy sense of self is to find your ‘kinetic’ self, your ‘fluid’ self–self as a process rather than a thing.

The Static Self

The ‘static’ self is a reflection of a lifetime of collected beliefs and conclusions, not just about the world but also ourselves.  These beliefs, in the form of values and needs, become fixtures in our lives, organizing systems for all new experiences and information we encounter.  It takes all new information and fits it into existing values/belief systems or it discards it.

We become trapped by our own perceptions, values, needs, knowledge, etc, as these things become increasingly fixed and static. The path to happiness becomes more narrow, it’s definition more exacting. Through the deep cultivation of convictions, we in fact create our own self-destruction.

Authenticity

To personally examine and consciously choose each of your values and beliefs: Free yourself from your conceptions of the world in order to turn around and actually examine them.  Reject blind acceptance. Reject unquestioned cultural assimilation.  You may find after your examinations that those beliefs are still true for you, but without that personal examination you will ultimately lack authenticity. Your ideas are not your own, they are functional transplants pending eventual failure: Because you did not create them yourself, you can not evolve them, you can not truly understand them.

Self-evaluation and re-creation is critical to being able to evolve those ideas later and stay authentically you.

Stability, Usefulness, and the Static Self

Does static self have a place?  Static self in some ways is useful, at least as a way to interface with others.  While your true self may be fluid and kinetic; changing under the surface, prehaps this turbulance is too much for those in society to deal with.  Perhaps the ‘Static Self’ – a curated representation of who you are–is what we need in order to function in a highly developed society.

Static Self is when you earmark a point in your life, a version of yourself (complete with beliefs, values, needs), and present and re-present that version to the world. We all do this. We all become an image or a set of ideas/beliefs/behaviors to our loved ones, our families, our colleauges, etc. And sometimes, they do it to us. They capture an image in their heads of who we are, and we are condemned to it until they capitulate.

It doesn’t have to be this way, but it is easier, no? Humans crave stability. But the spiritual journey is one of great uncertainty. We need to find a balance to operate in society & to continue on our inner path at the same time.

So, I will leverage a series of static selfs against society for my ambitions, but with my most intimate of relationships I will strive to be my true self; a fluid human being in a state of constant growth and turmoil. I am a boiling sea, I am full of active tectonic plates, shifting, moaning, groaning, crunching, crushing: With my most intimate, I wish for them to be apart of the storm, an ally, a partner. I wish for them to push the plates, heat the water, agitate the storm. I wish for them to stand me up, to cool me off, to hold my hand.

Honesty, Ritual, & The Static Self

The Static Self is in many ways a dishonest representation of your current state. But the Static Self provides a sense of stability and a place of reference from which others in your life can interface. 

For those undergoing great shifts, the static self is a way to avoid scaring people off.  Most people in this world only have their static selfs, with minor variations, and can not comprehend rapid emotional and inner change.They do not depart on any deep spiritual journey–or will not until later in life.  

This is perhaps why rituals are very important in society. Coming of age, getting married, moving out, moving around, entering and ending a relationship, starting, leaving a new job, etc.  These pivotal movements are places where society accepts radical change in someones Static Self. So for most who do have a sense of fluid self, they save making a public shift until these periods.

Cultural Rituals are critical for the survival of the Static Self. Ugh could write too much on this. Skip.

What happens when we discard self?

This is one of the many enlightenments in life. Perhaps that process of defining self each day–the evaluation of values and needs–is a process of hacking away at the unessential.

If we can eliminate all superfluous needs–to need nothing for happiness–means, our day to day requires very little difficult choice.  When our values are robust and elastic, and our needs are minimal, Happiness is an ease to achieve. Happiness comes from within.

Without needs, the self ceases to exist, the ego ceases to exist. 

I honestly don’t know.

2010.01.21 On Mimicry and Conditioning

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

This is the malady of preconceptions. You let someone else think your thoughts and form your opinions. This is the disease of society. This is the great schism all human beings must opt either overcome or fall victim to.