Henri J.M. Nouwen
On Having Difficult Conversations→
When facing a difficult conversation, (with partners, friends, family, etc) I learned to ask three questions:
Is what I have to say kind?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
The first two build empathy and emotional awareness, but it’s the last question thats the most illuminating of the three–for the answer reflects how much you value the continuation and growth of that relationship.
2017.01.27 On Assumptions and Communication
Assumptions are the termites of all relationship and self consciousness kills communication.
“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
C Joybell
“Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.”
Arabic Proverb
“Life is like that, full of words that are not worth saying or that were worth saying once but not any more, each word that we utter will take up the space of another more deserving word not deserving in its own right, but because of the possible consequences of saying it.” – Jose Saramago, The Cave
“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – Tolkien
Waking Life: On Language, Communication, And Disconnection
“What is, like, frustration? Or what is anger or love? When I say “love,” the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person’s ear, travels through this Byzantine conduit in their brain, you know, through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I’m saying and they say yes, they understand. But how do I know they understand?
Because words are inert. They’re just symbols. They’re dead, you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It’s unspeakable. And yet, you know, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we’ve connected, and we think that we’re understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. And that feeling might be transient, but I think it’s what we live for.”
Waking Life- Written by Richard Linklater
Waking Life: On Awareness, Connection, and Going Through The Motions
“Excuse me.
Could we do that again? I know we haven’t met, but I don’t want to be an ant, you know? I mean, it’s like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant auto-pilot with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient polite manner. “Here’s your change.” “Paper or plastic?” “Credit or debit?” “You want ketchup with that?” I don’t want a straw, I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to be an ant, you know?”
“Smart people talk about ideas. Common people talk about things. Mediocre people talk about people.”
Jules Romains