“Play is a precursor to intellectual freedom, it empowers individuals with agency and voice. Play is a matter of human dignity.”
You are probably familiar with the term “word gap” – linking children’s vocabulary skills to their economic backgrounds. Well how about the ‘Play Gap?’
Access to opportunities, time, and safe spaces to play are influenced by socio-economic status (class) (as well as by race, gender, and ability (able-ism). Low income children are more likely to live in neighborhoods with limited designated play space, experience higher pressure than their affluent peers to perform academically (at the expense of their play), and have parental time, permission, and encouragement to play.
There are many reasons I think Parkour can uniquely address the major obstacles facing participation for low-income youth. The fact that a child can self-direct and self-challenge and explore in whatever spaces they are afforded, without need for equipment, fees, or team mates, is unlike any other sport.
Furthermore, Parkour breaks outside the rigidities of traditional ‘sport’, with fixtures of rules and competition as the driving force, and allows for actual PLAY–an experience often lost in most sports as participation advances with age.
For too long, we have treated play as a luxury that kids, as well as adults, could do without. But the time has come for us to recognize why play is worth defending: It is essential to leading a happy and healthy life.
— David Elkind
Did you know that the average american is most physically active at age 6, and by 19, about as sedentary as a 60 year old? Over the last ten years there has been a steady decline in participation in sports and physical activity among youth as well as the rise of obesity among teens and adults. Add to that — National data reveals a startling 30% of adults do not engage in any leisure time physical activity , with less than half meeting or exceeding recommendations.
To sum it up: As most people grow up they are either losing or leaving behind play and physical activity.
However, evidence clearly supports that movement and play are critical to life long, whole human health… not just for children, but teens, adults, and seniors as well. Beyond the physical benefits of strength, mobility, and dexterity, participation supports overall mental health. It has been shown to improve cognitive performance and learning, reduce the impact of stress, and support social and emotional development. It nurtures our confidence, curiosity, creativity, and sense of control. It brings us joy.
So if play is so important — why do we stop? The answer to that question is complex, and presents the problem we, as a community, need to solve together.
The Problem: Barriers to Play
There are major barriers to accessing and participating in physical activity and play. These include issues related to time, cost, location, and an individual social, emotional, and cultural context. To summarize a few of the largest, most robust issues:
COST Inactivity has been shown to be directly linked to household income. Rising costs of equipment, league fees, gym memberships, and the costs associated with accessingquality coaching and learning tools all threaten participation.
TIME We live in a non-stop world. Juggling work, school, and social schedules alongside long commuting times and other obligations often prevents us from fitting in time for play. Whats worse, we keep finding ways to cut play out. By 2017, over 30,000 schools in America eliminated recess to make more time for academics.
PHYSICAL ACCESS Even if we have the money and time, physical access is the final hurdle.As the distance required to access play resources increases (fields, equipment, gyms, parks), participation declines — transportation is directly linked back to time and money. Additionally, many schools and cities have limited programs and services, making them fewer and farther in between.
SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, CULTURAL ISSUES Every individual brings a complex landscape of social, emotional, and cultural experiences that block participation. Having negative experiences with sports and PE in youth, limiting stereotypes around gender, race, and status, fear of discrimination, competition, and self-consciousness are just a few.
…And The Seriousness of Life
In additional to all these barriers, the largest obstacle that we all face and must overcome is that as a society we are quick to devalue play. We hold this idea that life is serious, and that we need to prepare ourselves to deal with the seriousness of life. We must work and produce and constantly improve upon our human capital potential — which seemingly leaves no room for ‘unproductive’ pursuits.
How many of you have heard discouraging little phrases such as “quit playing around and get back to work?” Employees are constantly guilted into working late hours, students wear their lack of sleep like a badge of honor, and (financial, social) rewards are granted to those who work at the expense of all else.
This perception that play has limited value, combined with any of the barriers above, is a perfect recipe for a sedentary body and sick mind. As Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, expressed: the opposite of play isn’t work, it’s depression.
Our Pledge: Movement For All
Brene Brown wrote, “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.”
#MovementForAll is a declaration that play is a human right, necessary for whole health — both for the individual and the collective.
It is a commitment to everyone having access to lifelong, playful movement and community.
It is a call to courageous action, and a promise we make together: to teach, build, and share an integrated path we discovered that fulfills this commitment — that path being parkour.
Depending on who you asked, Parkour is a sport, an art, a discipline. Practice involves running, climbing, jumping, swinging, crawling, rolling. Players create challenges for themselves in the environments they find using nothing more than their bodies, their imaginations, and, if available, their friends. It involves facing fears and learning to take intelligent risks, as well as building resiliency through physical and mental training.
Parkour is play grown-up.
And, when compared to conventional sports and outlets for play, parkour culture and philosophy can provide the necessary elements for life-long participation: Radical Inclusion, Resourceful Generosity, and Evolving Practice.
Radical Inclusion. Every ‘body’ is not only invited to participate but celebrated — any ability, size, color, age. Our community strives for a space of progressive practice, respectful language, and accountability. We reject gate-keeping and body-shaming. We use movement to create unity among diverging perspectives, for movement is a language we all speak.
Resourceful Generosity. We crowd-source solutions and educational tools, organize free classes and events, and foster leadership among all students. We are Go Getters and Go Givers, creating and sharing so that the collective can get stronger. Together we support one another in overcoming the financial, physical, and cultural obstacles that so commonly prevent access to other activities.
Evolving Practice.Our play needs to grow up with us if we are to play for life. Parkour ensures lifelong participation and community by giving people permission to change their practice as they grow. From exploration to competition to maintenance and back, from strength to mobility to balance and beyond. There is no fixed set of movements that must be achieved. There is no ageing out.
Move Your Way, Move With Us
So this is my call to action. I’m giving you a path to a life in play. Stand up and move. Move your way, move with us, and help us bring movement to all.
Over the last year I have been working closely with Parkour Visions, a non-profit with national initiatives to combine those values above with programs and services designed to break barriers of time, cost, and physical access. We are trying to get play back into the every day by:
Teaching free & affordable classes for all ages, as well as afterschool programs.
These are just a few ways we have dreamed up getting more play into the everyday. However this change needs us working together if we are to create large scale cultural and societal impact. It needs new ideas, enthusiasm, and time… And, most of all, it needs you — you, choosing to show up and and be a stand for a world that embraces play as a positive, integral element of leading a whole, human life.
In 2019, Parkour Visions established the Movement For All Fund, dedicated to supporting programs and services that are breaking barriers and building bridges to play through parkour. In February, every donation is being matched up to $25,000 — that means whatever you give will be doubled! You can make a difference, and it can start here.
(PS. Always looking for collaborators — reach out!)
On top of all these, there is the largest obstacle that we all face and must overcome: We as adults, and a society, are quick to devalue play. We hold this idea that life is serious, and that we need to prepare ourselves to deal with the seriousness of life. We must work and produce and constantly improve upon our human capital potential — which seemingly leaves no room for ‘unproductive’ play past childhood.
How many of you have heard or have been guilty of uttering discouraging little phrases such as “quit playing around,” or “get back to work”? It’s deeply embedded in our culture.
…And this perception combined with any of the barriers above is a perfect recipe for a sedentary and less fulfilling life. As Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, expressed: the opposite of play isn’t work, it’s depression.
The Pledge: Movement For All
Brene Brown wrote, “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.”
#MovementForAll is a declaration that play is a human right, necessary for whole health — both for the individual and the collective.
It is a commitment to everyone having access to lifelong, playful movement and community.
It is a call to courageous action, and a promise we make together: to teach, build, and share the path we discovered to fulfilling this commitment — that path being parkour.
For those of you unfamiliar, Parkour is a sport, …an art, …a discipline. Practice involves running, climbing, jumping, swinging, crawling, rolling. Practitioners create challenges for themselves, in the environments they find, using nothing more than their bodies and their imaginations. It involves facing fears and learning to take intelligent risks, as well as building resiliency through physical and mental training.
When compared to conventional sports, parkour culture also uniquely offers the potential for Radical Inclusion, Resourceful Generosity, and Evolving Practice.
Radical Inclusion. Every ‘body’ is not only invited to participate but celebrated — any ability, size, color, age. Come as you are. We offer a space of progressive practice, respectful language, and accountability. We reject gate-keeping and body-shaming. We believe in using movement to create unity among diverging perspectives, because movement is a language we all speak.
Resourceful Generosity. We crowd-source solutions and educational tools, organize free classes and events, and foster new leaders. We are Go Getters and Go Givers, creating and sharing so that the collective can get stronger. Together we support one another in overcoming the financial, physical, and cultural obstacles that so commonly prevent access to other activities.
Evolving Practice. Our play needs to grow up with us if we are to play for life. We ensure lifelong participation and community by giving people permission to change their practice as they grow. From exploration to competition to maintenance and back. There is no ageing out.
To that end, I believe in combining these values with programs and approaches focused on breaking barriers and increasing access to parkour and play for all.
So this my call to you, to take action, to create for yourself and others a space where we can play for now and for life. How will you help create #MovementForAll in your city?
Join my tribe dedicated to #MovementForAll: Parkour Visions.
PKV is a non-profit focused on ensuring everyone has a path to playful movement and community through parkour! Donate to our #MovementForAll Fund to support free and affordable programs and support services promoting play, parkour, coaching, and leadership.
It was a Saturday afternoon in February. Bright, cold sunlight beamed in through our plant-laden living room window, warming Bella as she lay on the floor. Our tiny Buddha sat on the window sill watching us intently– a gift I gave to you symbolizing the peace I hoped we find. Next to him sat a small metal leaf plate with a cone of incense smoking–a gift you gave to me to signify the turning over of a new leaf together in our relationship.
The Buddha and the Leaf–Peace and Love; This is what we wanted for each other, and our relationship.
I remember our conversation that day so clearly, though ‘conversation’ is a generous way of describing what happened. You were standing with your back to me at the sink in our brick-walled kitchen, washing dishes with such vigor that I thought they might break between your fingers. Methodical. Focused. An effort to shut out the noise. I sat at the long wooden dining table that we had build together, white knuckled and fuming. I tapped my foot, my fingers. Impatience. Frustration. Hopelessness. Restlessness.
Leaning back, my eyes darted around the apartment as I tried to figure out what to say next. Something kind, healing. Something that made you understand that I loved and missed you. Something that would just end this fight, and all the fights. Yet everywhere I looked I was met with the memory of past conversations, sparking defensiveness and revealing hurt I had previously swept under the rug. My wall of books were ‘obnoxious’, you said. The couch-‘uncomfortable’. The cats – ‘unwanted’. Too many pots, tea cups, and art that belonged to me. Too much of me, in general.
The reality was that we both were hurting that day, and had been for months–deeply desiring to connect and yet unable to communicate past our personal pain. Each attempt to speak was a superhuman act of love …as well as a textbook case of how limiting stories can blind and deafen us.
This particular morning we flung words at one another with little care to how they landed or the harm being inflicted.
The conversation finally peaked. “You know what, Caitlin?” You stopped suddenly and turned around to face me, a pot in one hand and a brush in the other, soapy water dripping all over the floor. Without flinching or blinking, you said with such certainty that I couldn’t believe it to be anything but the utter truth: “They say that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time around. I spend the most time with you and I hate who I’ve become.”
I moved out that day, and have never forgotten those words.
“Words are events, they do things, change things,” wrote Ursula K. Le Guin in her book The Wave in the Mind.
I often ask people “What is something someone has said to you that you will never forget?” The answers that come up most often, not surprisingly, are words of critique or harm, echoing the darker shades of shame, sadness, and insecurity that inhabit our hearts. Usually they’re delivered by those we hold closest–friends, family, lovers–and their power often grasps us by surprise and sends us reeling.
Painful, but also pivotal–and frequently sparking significant life change and introspection.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned in that relationship was that there are words that can not be unheard or unsaid. Words that will echo in the dark parts of the night. Words that water the unsprouted seeds of doubt and insecurity planted in our hearts, Words that burrow and fester into something self-destructive, Words that cut to the very pith of who we are. Words that have the power to radically and permanently change how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our world.
The worst part is no amount of introspection and self-awareness can prepare you, because they sit in your blind spots or in hiding spaces, waiting for the right time. In fact, words that would otherwise be innocuous quickly transform into an explosive and destructive force when finally colored by the right time, place, emotion, and speaker. And once you’ve felt them, heard them, uttered them–something has to change. No going back.
Forgiveness?
David Whyte wrote that “all friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die.”
So we must learn to forgive harmful words even if we can not fully forget. But even in the forgiving, we are changed.
Lessons Learned
Sadly, that partner and I no longer talk. We did have a chance some time after to withdraw our words and issue apologies but the pain inflicted by our lack of love in our weaker moments likely will never be fully healed. We both wielded our deep knowing of one another to inflict harm, leaping past a threshold of no return.
The only way left to honor that relationship is to learn and try again. I carry a heightened awareness that what I say or hear today might result in permanent change. I strive for patience in my communication, curiosity in my listening, and kindness in my responses as I grow new love with new humans.
…and I frequently think back to that afternoon in Brooklyn, especially in my moments of weakness, fear, insecurity, or distress. I recall when, returning a few days after our fight to pack boxes and bags, I found the place looking entirely different (though nothing was out of place). I remember holding my partners hand, kissing his face, feeling all the love that was between us… and yet knowing that love was forever different.
When facing a difficult conversation, (with partners, friends, family, etc) I learned to ask three questions:
Is what I have to say kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
The first two build empathy and emotional awareness, but it’s the last question thats the most illuminating of the three–for the answer reflects how much you value the continuation and growth of that relationship.
When honoring your commitments becomes too hard, you have two choices: you can change your behavior to meet your commitment or you can change your values to meet your behaviors. One choice will strengthen your integrity and the other with will erode it.-Stephen Covey
Powerful reality in simple terms. Whether it is a commitment to yourself, others, a company, or a community, whether it is an agreement explicit or implicit. Taking ownership of our commitments, and acknowledging the impact of our behaviors, is a critical element of trust and relationship building
Tied to this is the concept of congruence and dissonance. A common phrase I often hear is about how we shouldn’t listen to what people say and instead look at what they do when it comes to determining character and quality. 🤔However, while there is certainly some valuable information to be gathered in that observation, I think it is incredibly important not only to hear what someone says, but to see if someone matches what they say with equivalent action. This 🙌Congruence🙌–the alignment of word and action– consistently over time, is the basis of trust and integrity.
Dissonance, meanwhile, is the opposite, and happens at all scales. Dissonance in our lives appears in small ways, such as saying you’ll get up at 7 and yet still snoozing until 8, or that you won’t eat sugar and yet still have a little chocolate after dinner to promising to send an email tonight and not doing it until tomorrow….. up to larger scales such as being lazy at work or doing the bare minimum after promising excellence; It’s deprioritizing people you say are important–ie not calling back or standing someone up or giving them time. And at the height, its major breaks of trust and commitment.
And each moment of dissonance, large or small, adds up. It not only harms the trust others have in you but the trust you have in yourself.
The Speed of Trust and Building Congruence in Your Life
📘🧙♂️ I recently finished the book Speed of Trust, and it suggests 3 things you can do to level up and improve rate of congruence in your life… to help in building deeper trust:
1️⃣ don’t make too many commitments. Time is a limited, invaluable resource and each commitment you make requires a certain amount. Make sure you’re committing that time to who and what and where it matters. people? self-improvement goals? your degree program? business projects?
️2️⃣️ treat commitments to yourself, large and small, (ie that alarm clock, your gym new years resolution, your dieting habits) as seriously as those you make to others. If you can’t trust yourself why should any anyone else? trust starts with you.
3️⃣️ don’t make commitments impulsively or hastily. Think through the entire lifecycle of a commitment. Discuss them with your partners, boss, associates, friends, or self. Make sure you are on the same page and can honor what you claim you can, to the level expected.
These three stepping stones can get you pretty far actually in building better trust-founded relationships. But what isn’t mentioned here is what to do when you break a commitment–when dissonance resonates?
Resorting Integrity in the Face of Dissonance
Personally, despite my best efforts, I’ve been guilty of dissonance and still on occasion find that I have made a commitment I either can not or am not actually willing to meet.❌What I have learned is that the only way to restore trust, and my integrity, and get back on track is
🔸 take ownership. admit you had and broke a commitment
🔸 acknowledge the impact. recognize that there are levels of impact–on your communities, your partners/friends emotions and well being, on the performance of your organization, etc. what are they? this is an important step because you also begin to understand why YOU are important, and why your commitment was important to begin with
🔸 renew the commitment, re-negotiate it, or terminate it. here is an opportunity again to set accurate expectations, make appropriate commitments, and move forward in a space of trust and integrity.
At the end of the day we should all be striving to achieve high levels of congruence in our lives, where people can trust us–that our actions and words will align. Congruence inspires confidence and trust, and demonstrates not only high levels of integrity but a capacity to make meaningful commitments–and it sits at the heart of what it is to be a Leader.
And.. whether you are a leader in a large space or just leading your own life, congruence will help you show up better not only to yourself, but to your partners, co-workers, and friends.⚔️
Reflections:
Where and with who or what do you have commitments, and what are they?
Do you accept those commitments as they are or do they need to be renegotiated?
Which commitments trump others when there are conflicts of action?
Are your words congruent with your actions?
Who and what matters to you, and are your actions communicating that they matter to you in a consistent manner?
We feel marginalized, unimportant, defeated by our circumstances. There is a constant sense of being ‘less than’ and not good enough, and an even stronger story that suggests we have no power in this world to meaningfully create the change we want to see. Our personal success is measured only against the success of others, and there is always someone more powerful than them, exerting, controlling. We are victims or failures, always falling short.
We can see this mindset manifested in our lives every day as we cautiously navigate harsh office politics, struggle quietly through school, work, & test anxiety, burn out in unforgiving sporting competitions, and ruthlessly pick apart our imperfect social lives & families.
It’s a mindset that is unforgiving, and leads to a sense of depression, insecurity, and powerlessness.
We need a way to break free.
Cue: Parkour
This is why parkour has resonated deeply with so many people, especially those who regularly face stress and externally-driven competition in their lives. When you confront and overcome a particularly difficult mental or physical challenge in parkour, when you lift something very heavy, when you send a problem you’ve been working towards for hours: you feel powerful. You have a deep, direct, embodied experience of that shows you to yourself that yes, you can.
Can you recall that exuberance, that exhilaration of achievement that expands in your chest when you overcome a physical or mental challenge encountered in your practice—your jumps, climbs, and lifts? And how you are not only ready but eager for the next?
You feel strong, capable, and satisfied. You feel a sense of fulfillment and hunger. Joy.
And through parkour you can go out and feel that any time you want.
You Have The Tools
Through the practice of parkour, you begin to deeply understand that YOU have the tools and the power to overcome your obstacles & challenges by
The consistent training of your body and mind,
Embracing failure as a healthy part of the process of growth (and subsequent patience in those failures)
Seeking reconciliation with yourself & others in those shortcomings, and
Creatively and openly seeking new paths to old problems.
…And that power you feel? It is gold. It is clean and honest. It is not the power you find through the domination and control of others, but rather the mastery and control of yourself. This personal power is more than an attitude or state of mind; it is a sense of vision, of personal generosity, creativity, and self-assertion.
These critical skills, this positive mindset: This is where the magic of parkour really happens.
Through the emergence and nurturing of your personal power and your practice of parkour, you will eventually also start to realize you have the power and ability to face any of the obstacles in your life with a similar mindset. The skills and sense of power developed originally by jumping on things can spill over into other areas of your life: work, love, family, finances, etc. If you can learn to channel that power and repurpose those lessons from parkour, you will be unstoppable.
…Ok ok. So let’s just be real here for a second.
No, the world will not change because you are doing parkour, climbing, or lifting, or whatever it is you do to get to this place. The obstacles you will face will still be real, painful, ugly, brutal, and sometimes unjust. Your boss might fire you, your work might be unfulfilling, a coworker might take advantage of you. .Your exams may overwhelm, your student debt might feel crushing, your peers will still compete against and compare you. Your family may fall apart, your lover may cheat, and your health may end up failing. The people in your life, including those that you love and trust, may end up judging you, belittling and marginalizing you, betraying and abandoning you.
So don’t get carried away. Parkour cannot change the world.
But it can change your world.
Parkour can give you a new mindset, a deep, personal sense of power to overcome obstacles in your world—where you will be able to approach those obstacles not as fearsome walls blocking your way but rather opportunities for growth and learning. You will be prepared to face a challenge from a place of patience, calculation, self-honesty, and love: and a knowing that you willsucceed—even if it is not how you expected.
Because you are powerful. You are strong, capable, focused, in control of your emotions, and creative. Powerful is not a state of being but a way of living and thinking.
So there it is. Finally, I understand. This is why I want to share parkour with others. This is why I took up the helm at Parkour Visions, and continue to run the Women’s Gathering andThe Art of Retreat, why I helped found The Movement Creative, the Movement Game Library, and the Movement Snacks initiative. Why I run around like a crazy person, working 80, 90, 100+ hour weeks trying to increase access to opportunities for parkour and play.
I’m not here competing with anyone. I’m here living my vision for a better world, trying to give to others a taste of their own personal power.
Because everyone should have a way of living that empowers them.I want to help them find their power.
This is my calling.
This article was updated December 2018, and originally published in 2017.
